Well I'm sitting here with a glass of wine and a ciggie - not usual behaviour for a Wednesday evening (well the wine isn't), but I wanted to somehow mark my last day of smoking. My boyfriend came round to watch the football and then I asked him to go home so I could smoke my final cigarettes on my own.
The thought of giving up scares me which is daft I know - I am so reliant on them and not just when I'm stressed. For example after a meal it's normal to light up, when I'm on the phone I have to have a cigarette in my hand etc.
When the smoking ban came in last year I thought it would really affect me but it hasn't. I'm quite happy to sit through a meal in a restaurant without wanting to smoke once. Previously I would have had one between every course and in pubs I hardly think about smoking. If I'm with friends who smoke we'll nip out in groups to have the odd one or two but if I'm out with someone who doesn't smoke then it won't even bother me and I can go all night without a cigarette.
So I'm unsure about what it is that makes me addicted. And it's strange the thought of not ever being able to have another one is what really worries me.
I'm off to bed in a bit and tomorrow I will wake up a non-smoker.
PS - I promise not to be one of those that look down their noses at smokers. Honest.